First Years. Why do we need them?
So uni started back up a few weeks ago and as it happens with the start of a new semester, new people arrive. First years - fresh meat haha. For the most part I completely dislike them; the attitudes they have coming straight out of high school. You are no longer top dog and I will put you in my place. Don’t worry. I will try and rip into each subject area. I do enjoy offending everyone I can.
Doing a subject does not make you an expert. This applies particularly to psychology students. So you learnt a couple of fancy terms and concepts. Big whoop. I’m untrained and doing a completely different course and could still run rings around you in a proper psychological assessment, bitch. You won’t actually learn anything useful until fourth year, and you can’t actually do anything with your degree without at least six years of training. Suck it!
Arts students. Oh, where to start. I’m not going to lie to you, my precious readers. An arts degree is as useful as a left-handed screwdriver. You’ve wasted your time and money to get something that you already had at home. Seriously, anyone can do an arts degree. At least if they included the RSA, RCG and a barista’s course in an arts degree you would be qualified to do something with your life.
I’ve noticed a large arrogance and ignorance associated with law students. They think they’re the best because they can argue a point. A good argument for a wrong point doesn’t make it any more valid. I could convince you that the sun revolves around the Earth, but that doesn’t make it true. Just because the entry requirements might be higher than most subjects doesn’t make it more important or make you special. It means lots of people want to do it so they are limiting spaces. Have fun getting a decent job with the thousands of other applicants.
Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, science students. Where as law students believe they’re better than everyone else because they can argue, you think because you understand a bit more about the universe and how it works than other faculties that you are better. Oh look, you rolled a ball, mixed two coloured liquids or cut open something. Doesn’t make you a genius. In fact most famous discoveries happened by accident. Newton was sitting under a tree and got assaulted by an apple. He didn’t set up an experiment prior to it, expecting to potentially get a concussion from an apple. It just happened.
Something universal throughout all degrees is the overall stubbornness to learn the ways of university life. For many students there is a cross-campus dash between classes. Out of common decency, move at the pace of everyone else, regardless of whether you are in a hurry or not. I reserve the right to flick you in the ear if you aren’t moving fast enough. Trust me, it will hurt like hell but is still a nicer option than the other things I’m capable of.
So tell me again how you first years are of any benefit, other than cannon fodder or as a distraction in a zombie invasion. Until you realise it will be years before anything you learn will amount to anything, (except for arts students, but remember I like extra salt on my fries and two slices of cheese with my burger), I don’t want to hear from you. Once you have settled into the hierarchy of things, then I may start to consider you as more than just a waste of space and oxygen.